Clay
Grade : F

Just when I thought I'd seen it all; just when I started to believe there simply couldn't be any more inane plots out there; just when I thought it was safe to go back in the bookstore, wham!, suddenly Clay. I'm simply atwitter with uncertainty; where to begin? Okay, first then ... the plot.

The plot is thus (r-r-r-ripped from today's headlines, Internet body-part auctions, and urban legends): A woman, Janna Kerr, has a daughter, Lainey, who has renal disease. Lainey has been waiting for a kidney transplant for years, but to no avail. Janna is a single mom whose boyfriend Matt Benedict fathered the child, but died before she had a chance to tell him of her pregnancy. So Janna decided to return to Louisiana, to Turn-Coupe Parish, to buy a Black Market kidney from Dr. Gower, a physician who will help Janna, for a price.

But when Clay inadvertently shows up at Janna's door, she instantly decides that, as Matt's twin brother, he would make the best donor, so she drugs him, ties him to the bed in her work room, enlists the aid of an old swamp dweller to hide Clay's boat, then forms a plan on how to separate her daughter's uncle from his kidney.

Clay figures this stuff out, gets loose, goes to his cousin Roan the local sheriff, then goes back to Janna's and ties himself up again because he kissed Janna and now he wants to sleep with her, and bodies begin showing up in the swamp - minus various internal organs - and so on and so forth and so what ...

What could be more profoundly compelling than a single mother's desperate efforts to save her dying child by trying to locate a kidney under dire circumstances? The brother of the man she once loved appears, but does this woman explain the circumstances to him? Does she appeal to his better nature as the child's uncle to try to persuade him to help her? No! Janna decides instead to drug him, tie him up, then hope that he doesn't press charges when she lets him go. Oh, and, to keep him around, she plans to use sex. What makes Janna think that any man would trade a kidney for a roll in the hay with her?

Okay, the plot is dumb, but so is the writing:

Her face congealed for a long second, becoming as hard as marble.

Her face congealed?

All she had to do was open her mouth and tell [Dr. Gower] that the man inside was the prospective relative donor, and that he was helpless to prevent the removal of a kidney. She couldn't do it. Something inside her, some reaction to the doctor's scolding tone ... moreover, she wasn't so sure Clay was defenseless ... It would require at least two people to subdue him for transport to the medical center ... Why that hadn't occurred to her before she didn't know, since it was so obvious. She hated the idea of witnessing it, much less being a part of it ...

Is it me, or is Janna Kerr simply too stupid to live!?

So, okay, mid-book, they have sex - while Clay is still tied up! The bodies that keep turning up make Janna so sad - but that's not where Dr. Gower harvests his spare body parts, is it? Why, it can't be! But, gosh, what a coincidence! A secondary character has a pregnant pet alligator that he brings into the house, on a leash being held by a sickly little girl. Right! Oh, I could go on, but my eyes are starting to cross from rolling them so much.

All this might have been okay and I might have been able to give Clay a slightly higher grade, but the characters are so fatuous, so preposterous, so irritating, flat, irrational, dull, boring, vapid, asinine - gosh, I'm going to need my thesaurus if I keep this up, but you get the picture.

Reviewers are occasionally taken to task for writing "mean" or "sarcastic" or "hurtful" reviews. I'm sorry, for that's never been my intent. However, I will say it first: This is a scathing review and I make no apologies for it. If I were sitting in front of you, my hands would be waving and I'd be ranting on and on about how dumb this book is. Be glad I've restrained myself in print. Clay is a horrible and stupid book and I'm sorry I wasted my time on it. I've read this author's historicals in the past, and enjoyed them. I don't know what happened, but if this is an example of her latest efforts count me confused, but count me out.

Reviewed by Marianne Stillings
Grade : F

Sensuality: Warm

Review Date : June 12, 2001

Publication Date: 2001

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