Allie Mackay is a pseudonym for Sue-Ellen Welfonder of medieval romance fame. This first book under that name is a departure from straight historical into the paranormal realm. My advice: stick with historicals, Sue-Ellen!

To describe this book I’m going to break it down into two parts – two equally horrible parts that left me wondering if the author sent the first draft into the publisher without taking the time to read back through to see if it made sense.

Part One: Nipples, Shafts, and Red Hair (Oh my!)

Mara MacDougall, a native of Philadelphia, just inherited a Scottish castle from a distant relative. She is charged with making the castle and estate profitable again and bringing together the MacDougall clan in order to keep her inheritance. Right before inheriting her castle she spies a medieval bed in an antique store and is fascinated with it. She then meets a man, whom she dubs Hottie Scottie, who isn’t too pleased about her interest in the bed.

Sir Alexander Douglas, aka Hottie Scottie, was cursed at his death years ago and now lives as a ghost. His purpose is to prevent anyone of the MacDougall lineage from sleeping in his bed. The bed itself was a wedding gift to Alexander’s betrothed. He was attacked by her cousin on his way to the wedding and killed due to her betrayal. To say he has reason for holding a grudge is an understatement.

Another understatement is saying that this first half of the book was disappointing and flat out boring. Almost every single page has a mention of Mara’s protruding nipples, Alex’s swelling shaft and/or Mara’s copper-bright, burnished-bronze, molten, flowing, lavender-scented, silken, fiery tresses. There is much description of the hair and mental lusting going around but not much happening plot wise. It isn’t until the two join their nipples, shafts and hair in a long, and oddly boring, love scene that things start to look up. It is when Alex and Mara realize they love each other that we head into…

Part Two: I Will Love You Always, But Huh?

So Mara watches her ghostly friend dance a horse around and it strikes her: she loves this man. They have had very little interaction and Alex hasn’t hidden the fact that he despises her for her name. Where did the love come from? I dunno.

Mara and Alex consummate there relationship and he disappears for six weeks only to return with a gaggle of ghosts and present-day highlanders to wage a mock battle on the grounds of Mara’s castle. He said it was something he had to do before he came back to her. Where did that come from? I dunno.

The climax along with a few other plot intricacies was equally confusing. The author introduces characters near the end that have no place in the story. Most scenes screamed “contrived!” I did hold out hope (until the last page, I tell you!) that maybe all these weird events would tie together at the end for a big Aha! moment. I was fooling myself. It didn’t happen. Why? I dunno.

What good can I say? The secondary characters, especially the castle inhabitants, were entertaining, but we didn’t see much of them. I also enjoyed the descriptions of the Highlands. Even with the confusing hubbub I could picture Oban and Ravenscraig Castle very well.

What really didn’t work? The whole ghost aspect. The laws that govern ghosts in this book are – I must say it again – confusing. They time-travel, eat and drink, live in “the mist” (again, I dunno), and apparently get struck by lightening when they have sex. This plot, with a few minor adjustments, might have worked better without all the paranormal aspects. Half the time there wasn’t anything ghostly about Alex. When his grudge went away, I had to check the front of the book to make sure I wasn’t missing something. One minute he’s yelling “Bloody MacDougall Bastards” and the next he’s walking around in a MacDougall plaid and sporran with nary a word about forgiveness or bygones.

I couldn’t have gone into this novel with a better mindset. I was totally ready for a “yummy paranormal romp,” as the quote of the cover states, but this is as far from a romp as you can get and decidedly un-paranormal. If you like to be baffled by what you read and enjoy lusty thoughts that culminate in love scenes no hotter than a barbeque potato chip, then, by all means, give it a try. If you’re like me and want your books to make sense, then skip this one.