In the Stillness
Grade : B+

I'd heard from several sources that In the Stillness is one of those books that I just absolutely had to read. After having it pushed on me several times over, I finally took the plunge. I rarely read a book in one sitting, but I just had to stay glued to the reader for this one. This novel is one of the more unflinchingly honest, gritty books I've ever read. There's a lot of darkness in this story, but all that darkness shows moments of light in such stark contrast that it takes one's breath away.

When they met, Natalie and Ryker were both students and Ryker was in the National Guard. Then 9/11 happened, and Ryker got deployed to Afghanistan. Having him gone was hard enough, but Natalie and Ryker both have their worlds shattered when Ryker comes home from the war with PTSD after getting shot. Through Natalie's eyes, we see Ryker's fear and horror as he has to learn to live in a world where he can't entirely cope. Ryker's PTSD and Natalie's cutting to cope with her own pain build into a volatile combination, and we see it all come crashing down.

Fast forward into the present. Natalie is now a wife and mother, and she hasn't seen Ryker for ten years. We jump right into the mess of Natalie's current life from the opening moment of the book when we see her cutting herself again. From there, readers follow Natalie on an emotional rollercoaster as we watch her life spiral out of control both in the present and in her past, as the book jumps back and forth between Natalie's present life, and her memories of college and that unforgettable relationship she had with Ryker Manning.

In the present, Natalie lives at home with her grad student husband and twin four-year-old boys. Natalie put her own academic aspirations on hold and went into a marriage she didn't entirely want upon learning of her pregnancy. The book is told from Natalie's point of view, and she makes no bones about two facts: 1. When she learned she was pregnant, she desperately wanted an abortion and to this day regrets that she let her husband talk her out of it and 2. In spite of it all, Natalie loves her sons. She doesn't love being a stay-at-home mother, but she loves her sons deeply. And it's messy realities like this that help give the book its power.

Unlike her relationship with her sons, Natalie's marriage doesn't contain much love. Natalie's husband is almost never home, and when he is there, the two often fight as it becomes obvious that things are completely falling apart. Natalie feels as if her husband does not make her much of a priority, and he also seems to have some secrets of his own. The combination of an extremely isolated life as an at-home mother and a marriage on the rocks has sent Natalie spiraling ever lower into depression, and she starts cutting to cope and to release the pain.

Present-day Natalie can be tough to like at times. Her focus is often very much on herself, and she's not one of the near-perfect romance heroines of Romlandia who would put everyone else's needs before her own. However, when we see glimpses of her past, one can start to understand the person Natalie has become. Through her memories, we relive her relationship with Ryker Manning, from their very first kiss - which happened moments after they met - to the last night they saw each other. Normally, relationships where hero and heroine are just Meant To Be from the moment they meet don't work for me, but Randall tells Ryker and Natalie's story with such heartfelt emotion that it really does put the reader in their corner.

Since the story is told from Natalie's point of view, I worried that Ryker would be overly idealized, but he really wasn't. It's obvious that Natalie loved Ryker deeply and almost unconditionally, but readers still see the volatile parts of his struggle with PTSD and some of his less than beautiful moments with Natalie after his return from Afghanistan. Of Ryker, Natalie at one point thinks, "His body came home, but his soul had been devoured in the firefight of a godless desert." And there is something to that. Ryker's homecoming was wrenching and terrible, and sadly, very true to life. I've known a number of military personnel and this book reflects so many of their stories with an honesty that can sometimes be uncomfortable to read. The writing of In the Stillness isn't the most elegant, but I've encountered few books that can match it for raw emotionality.

That raw emotion combined with Natalie's painfully honest delivery of the story carry this book. It sometimes glosses over scenes that could have used a little more depth and secondary characters (especially Natalie's children) definitely needed more development. However, even as the analytical side of my mind processed those issues, I found myself reading compulsively and tearing up more than once. Even though this novel drags the reader through dark and gritty territory, the ending is ultimately hopeful and it's an incredibly difficult sort of book to grade. In the end, I had to give it this high recommendation because while my mind honestly cannot ignore the story's flaws, the author does such an amazing job of taking her very imperfect characters' hearts and laying them bare that many of these flaws really don't matter to me very much in the end.

Reviewed by Lynn Spencer
Grade : B+

Sensuality: Warm

Review Date : April 30, 2013

Publication Date: 2013/04

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Lynn Spencer

I enjoy spending as much time as I can between the covers of a book, traveling through time and around the world. When I'm not having adventures with fictional characters, I'm an attorney in Virginia and I love just hanging out with my husband, little man, and the cat who rules our house.
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