In the opening scene of Miss Haycroft’s Suitors, Justin Fairfax, Earl of Rocheford enters an empty church. Upon spying Anne Haycroft asleep in a pew, he impulsively kisses her on the cheek. Then, to keep her from crying out, he kisses her on the mouth. Apologizing for his impulse, he introduces himself. As they converse Anne eagerly confides that her guardian, Uncle Cosmo, is trying to force her into an arranged marriage.

My, you are thinking – what a dramatic start to a Regency! Ah, well, no. You see, this is merely an opportunity for author Emily Hendrickson to dole out the first of many tiresome lessons in Regency etiquette. “A proper young lady ought to be highly offended by such outrageous behavior as a kiss.” I have news for Ms. Hendrickson. A strange man kissing an unconscious woman is as unacceptable now as it was two hundred years ago. No explanation is necessary. Anne seems, if anything, overly calm about the incident considering the time period. But the passage is indicative of things to come. Miss Haycroft’s Suitors is a Regency in which the author endlessly repeats the most obvious strictures of English society when she should be presenting a compelling story about the people who lived in that society.

As the book continues, the plot makes less and less sense. Anne drugs her maid with laudanum (yipes!) and sneaks out to stay with Justin’s aunt, Lady Mary. To put off Uncle Cosmo, they invent a fiancee. Later Justin’s cousin Sydney steps in and pretends to be betrothed to Anne. Later, a trial ensues when the evil man who has contracted with Anne’s uncle to marry her, sues Justin (with no grounds) for seducing her. Naturally Justin wins the suit. This is followed by a number of failed abductions, none of which are believable.

I cannot think of another romance I have read, Regency or otherwise, in which I learned so little about the internal life of the hero and heroine. Having read this book, I can tell you almost nothing about them beyond Anne’s appearance. (We are told repeatedly about her “riot” of curls.) Neither displays any wit and they seem to have few opinions beyond the most conventional. In the few sentences where Justin does reveal himself, he is obnoxious. He observes approvingly that Anne does not look her twenty-one years and derides a woman who admires him, pointing out that she is “enjoying her fourth season” and is “overly forward.”

Justin is attracted to Anne but he does nothing about it. Why? We have no idea. These two are inventing suitors and we are clueless as to why Justin does not step forward himself. At one point the author treats us to this observation of Justin’s thoughts on Anne. “That she utterly captivated him did not cross his mind.” Talk about leading the unexamined life.

Anne is equally obtuse. We know that she is attracted to Justin and that she wishes for a love match. Yet, she never really thinks about him. Instead, she is often thinking thoughts like this: “And, she realized, with great shock, the kisses had made her desire another! She gave herself a faint shake. This would never do.”

I think it’s fair to say that both Anne and Justin were lucky to have lived before the days of S.A.T. scores. Not only are Anne and Justin lifeless, the secondary characters of Aunt Mary, and her suitor, Mr. Witherspoon, are also without distinguishing characteristics. To everyone in this book, life seems to be a series of ton social affairs and attempts to avoid gossip.

Some people may tolerate Miss Haycroft’s Suitors for its historical detail. It includes an unusual amount of information on social customs, Regency fashion and food. The trial obviously entailed a good deal of research. This alone explains why the book did not receive a grade of F. But, because it lacks compelling characters, Miss Haycroft’s Suitors is tedious. It is a comedy of manners without the comedy, a Regency romance without the romance.

I suggest you pass it up.