My Wicked Vampire
Grade : C

It being October, and near Halloween, I was more than willing to read a paranormal romance. I’m not sure that My Wicked Vampire fulfilled my craving, but on the whole, there was nothing incredibly right or wrong about the book. The word “average” really sticks in my mind; the story is light, a little sketchy on the plot details, with generally amusing characters. It is also strewn with a hundred characters with uncomfortably similar personalities and the ability to deliver snappy lines. Strangely enough, the first half of the story and its characters bored me to tears, while the second half, with the introduction of new characters and the climax of the plot, kept me mildly entertained. Emphasis on the mildly. <a href="http://www.likesbooks.com/banmanpro/a.aspx?ZoneID=4&Task=Click&Mode=HTML&SiteID=1&PageID=33387 " target="_blank"> <img src="http://www.likesbooks.com/banmanpro/a.aspx?ZoneID=4&Task=Get&Mode=HTML&SiteID=1&PageID=33387 " width="150" height="200" border="0" alt="">

Cinn Airmid comes from a family of very successful botanists. However, she seems to have the power to inject magic into her plants (exactly how, we're never quite told), which causes her entire family to frown mightily upon her. In an attempt to escape their suffocating influence, she takes a job at the Castle of Dark Dreams, an adult fantasy theme park. They hire her to grow plants that feed on sexual energy to place in each room. When she is introduced to the managers of the park, she realizes that she's in a bit of trouble: They are all demons, princes of hell, and general chaos makers. She is forced to stay when she finds out that Airmid, the goddess of plants herself, is more than a little pissed off at her for creating her plant abominations. Her only chance of surviving the goddess’s anger is to stick by her managers.

Dacian is a vampire made unwillingly hundreds of years earlier. His maker Stephan is a jerk who dreams of world domination, and desires Dacian to help him gain this power. Dacian has repeatedly refused, which has made Stephan angry enough each time to induce killing rages in Dacian's mind. Fed up with killing loved ones, he fakes his death, burying himself underground. Two hundred years later in present times, his brother Taurin works for the Castle of Dark Dreams, and gets a tip that Dacian is still alive. Owner Sparkle Stardust gets her lover to dig him out and bring him to the Castle. Dacian is pissed off and scared to death that Stephan will induce another rage in him – even more scared than before, now that he’s met Cinn. Meanwhile, Stephan's threat is hovering ever closer, and, well, there are a lot of problems to solve. Cinn and Dacian are strangely attracted to each other - I say strangely because they barely take one look at each other before falling in love. Dacian admires her butt, notices her intense passion for her plants, and immediately begins pondering a future with her. A few times she says some offhand stereotypical remark about vampires, and he's actually wounded by her insensitivity. It was too unbelievable for me, especially since he's 600 years old and must have developed a thicker skin than that. His character doesn't develop at all, besides the usual "I'm a jaded immortal who secretly wants true love, and now that I've met her I won't let another male get within two inches of her" sort of thing.

But Cinn was even more elusive. After reading the entire book, I can honestly say I didn’t know Cinn at all. I didn't know what drove her to create her plants or even how she created them. In fact, I couldn't appreciate the plant aspect of the story at all. Plants with feelings and thoughts and action creep me out. It was like Little Shop of Horrors without the charm. Personality-wise, Cinn was bland and more than a little unrealistic. One minute she was scared out of her wits at meeting demons and vampires, and the next she was rolling her eyes at them, giving them attitude, and generally ordering them around. She was a blah character who had the good fortune to be in an action-filled plot.

While the plot moves fast enough towards the end, the impetus spurring the cast of characters is pretty vague. I did, however, like how Cinn’s problem slowly intertwined with Dacian’s problem to solve themselves neatly at the end. I also enjoyed Ganymede's character, an attractive creator of chaos who prefers to spend his time in a chubby cat form, eating tons of junk food and watching TV. Everyone else is forgettable, too wannabe-cute, plain old annoying (Sparkle Stardust, I’m talking to you), or a combination of the three.

I suppose I’d recommend My Wicked Vampire if you want a speedy read that doesn’t require any emotional involvement or thinking. As for me, I don't understand why so many head honchos of chaos and death are running around an adult theme park, all too willing to baby sit a bunch of emotional plants. It's a little too bizarre and way too cutesy.

Reviewed by Emma Leigh
Grade : C

Sensuality: Warm

Review Date : October 31, 2009

Publication Date: 2009

Review Tags: Vampires

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