Scandalous Suzanne
Grade : F

The only thing scandalous about Scandalous Suzanne is that it was published. Rarely have I read a book that is utterly devoid of sensuality and filled with dialogue so stilted no real person would ever speak it - not even in 1876.

This story takes place in Florida, where a handsome Yankee journalist, Ethan Todd, is invited by the editor of the Tallahassee newspaper, to sample the charms and culture of the South after having written negatively of Southerners. The editor's daughter, Suzanne Crane, is a motherless, tomboyish, humorless shrew who is not at all pleased that this vile Yankee will be staying in her home where she will have to entertain him.

While this premise sounds cute, please believe me when I say the book is anything but. While there could have been chemistry between these two, the author manages not to create any sparks whatsoever. Forget the fact that they are not intimate until the end of the story, because even the kisses they steal throughout the story are about as interesting as watching paint dry.

What makes matters worse is that the dialogue is written so poorly that it sounds as though they are reading lines in a bad play - nobody talks like the people do in this book!

After being caught in a couple of compromising situations, they are forced to marry. Suzanne is so naive about matters between men and women she constantly refers to the sex act as "carnal knowledge." Sure makes things sound appetizing, doesn't it?

Suzanne wants an annulment. Ethan does not. She runs away from home and has quite an adventure as a card dealer wearing hussy clothes on a Mississippi gambling boat. By the time she is rescued by Ethan, she has grown wiser and accepts what her husband is dying to teach her about the ways of men, women and carnal knowledge.

It is not that this book is too sweet for this reviewer's tastes, it is that the sweetness is cloying and artificial. Between the complete lack of sizzle and the deadening dialogue, one has the feeling this author could douse the fire of a sailor on shore leave after six months at sea.

Reviewed by Laurie Likes Books
Grade : F

Sensuality: Kisses

Review Date : September 1, 1996

Publication Date: 1996

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