Sea Fire is a re-issue of the Karen Robards historical novel that was first published in 1982. Did I really read things like this back then? Sea Fire is an old fashioned, pirates on the high seas, rape-fest complete with tall, dark and studly hero, golden-haired, feisty-as-all-get-out heroine and slimy, hissable villain. Is it any good? Well no, but if you are in a campy frame of mind and want to see what an old bodice ripper romance was like, you can have some good cheesy fun with this.

Sea Fire is a sequel to Island Flame which I have not read and don’t intend to, but it stands alone. Lady Catherine Aldley and the former pirate Jonathan Hale have married and settled down at a plantation in South Carolina where they are very happy with their young son Cray. Cathy is a real Victorian babe with long golden hair (which is described at every opportunity), big blue eyes, and a knock-out figure. She even shaves her legs! Jon is tall, strapping, blue eyed, black haired and covered with a pelt of hair. Now I like hairy chested guys, but pelts remind me of a mink (which come to think of it is a not too far off description, considering how these two are all over each other all the time).

Anyway, life is good. Then Cathy gets a letter saying her father is very ill. She and Cray go off England to see him (Jon stays behind because he is under a death sentence in England) and then things happen quick and fast. Cathy and Jon are not really married (the sea captain who spliced them was not commissioned), so the only way that Cathy can save her good name is to marry her odious cousin Harold.

Bing – Cathy has married Harold

Bang – the ship they are on is hijacked by Jon who has taken up the pirate life again

Boom – Cathy and Jon spend the next several hundred pages at each others throats when they aren’t having hot, sweaty, passionate sex.

There’s lots of dialogue like this:

“Bitch!”

“Bastard!”

“Whore!”

“Villain!”

“I hate you!”

“I love how you hate me!”, followed by a rape scene.

I figured I could get mad at the publisher for repackaging this old tripe, but I’m just too tired for that, so I settled down and made a game of anticipating the incidents:

“O.K. we’re overdue for a description of Cathy’s long golden hair, yep there it is – hmmmm, now it’s red-gold – must be the sea air.”.

“Now it’s time for them to verbally abuse each other, yawn, here comes the same old bitch and bastard. Can’t they think of any original insults?”

“Been a while since we’ve had a rape – Ooh, Jon’s taking off his clothes to display his pelt and Cathy’s getting hot. Rape scene coming right up!”

Try an experiment. Read Sea Fire, then get a copy of a really good historical romance like Mary Jo Putney’s Shattered Rainbows and read it. Now sing a couple of choruses of “You’ve Come A Long Way, Baby,” and marvel at how much better the historical romance has become.