Books like this, I hate. Does the heroine annoy me? Not really. Is the hero an utter bastard? Can’t say that he is. Plot’s plausible enough. Secondary characters are okay (for the most part). Super evil villain isn’t any worse than others I’ve read. So where’s the hate coming from? The book is boring. With a capital B.

It’s like an infomercial, but in reverse. Ask yourself what an average, middle-of-the-road, unexceptional C-book encompasses. Picture it in your head. Let the feeling of ennui and been-there, done-that fill you. Had enough of books like that? Then stay away from Secrets of an Accidental Duchess.

Sure, there are details. Olivia Donovan is a nice, virginal girl who doesn’t think she’ll ever marry – but, it’s because she suffers from recurring bouts of malaria.

And yes, she has four sisters, one deceased, two of whom already have their happy endings, and one or two more to go (depending on whether or not the dead one gets resurrected). But see, not only are they five mystery-shrouded, exceptionally good-looking women – they’re from Antigua. They’re different, see?

The rest is pretty predictable. Hero sees Olivia across a crowded ballroom (I kid you not) and thinks, “She’s an angel.” She looks at Max and thinks, “Ooh, he’s so tall, dark and handsome.” Then there’s a bad guy who’s a rapist, wife-beater, abuser, and all-round maniac who bets Max he can’t seduce Olivia before New Year’s.

Of course Max succeeds while vacationing at Olivia’s brother-in-law’s estate. Of course, he actually means it, and everything is totally lovey-dovey between them until they separate, during which their lovey-dovey letters meld souls across the ether.

Then the bad guy does even badder things, and Olivia discovers the wager and gets mad at Max, but you know what? I stopped caring a long time ago. This is now the third book I’ve now read by Ms. Haymore in an effort to discover what the buzz is, and, unfortunately, the only thing I can come up with is the same thing applied to 99% of C-books: Generic.