Siren's Secret
Grade : D+

Have you ever wondered how the Indiana Jones movies would translate into book form? Me either – until recently. Siren's Secret had me thinking about it.

"And then, this really scary and accomplished swordsman appeared and started brandishing his sword at Indy. He totally looked like a threat, but Indy just pulled out his gun and shot him, which was unexpectedly hilarious."
Yeah, it doesn't quite work, because the plot and the humor are very visual. This book is similar. It's basically about an expedition to Egypt, where the hero, heroine, and lots of other people solve the mystery of an ancient tomb. There's a lot of action, and not a whole lot of contemplation. The story never quite comes together in a believable way.

<!-- var browName = navigator.appName; var SiteID = 1; var ZoneID = 4; var browDateTime = (new Date()).getTime(); if (browName=='Netscape') { document.write(''); document.write(''); } if (browName!='Netscape') { document.write(''); document.write(''); } // --> Lady Olivia Yates enjoys scholarly pursuits, but often finds that her intellectual activities isolate her from others. She doesn't mesh well with other young ladies her age, her mother died years ago, and her father is usually abroad on one expedition or another. Her best friend is her companion Elizabeth, a young widow.

Olivia's life becomes a little more exciting when she receives news that her father is in danger. She must find an Egyptian artifact (a funerary cone) housed in the British Museum, and bring it to her father in Egypt. When she attempts to steal the piece, she learns that she is not the only one seeking the cone. Someone attempts to kidnap her, but she escapes out the window and is rescued by Samuel Stafford, an American who runs a shipping empire.

As this book is all plot and very little else, it gets convoluted fast. But here's the gist of it:

  • Olivia needs to go to Egypt, so she talks her way on to one of Samuel's ships, which happens to be going there.
  • Lots of people attack them on the way, and they stop in a couple of places.
  • The funerary cone changes hands repeatedly.
  • Olivia's companion Elizabeth falls in love with Samuel's right-hand man, Nathan, and they get married at sea.
  • Olivia sort of falls in love with Samuel, but doesn't really know what love is or what it looks like.
  • Olivia hones her annoying habit that would make her unpopular virtually everywhere: She uses big vocabulary words in every other sentence, and then explains what they mean because she is sure that no one she is with can match her intellectual capacity.
  • Olvia, Sam, Nathan, and Elizabeth arrive in Egypt and find that her father is being held captive.
  • Sam's sister is there too, mostly because she is the heroine of the previous book, and we are all dying to see her. Assuming everyone has read the previous book (I hadn't).
  • Funerary cone, tomb, astrolabes, booby traps a la Indiana Jones (or more likely, The Goonies), blah blah blah.
  • Someone dies, but only after indirectly quoting an Aerosmith song. (Guess which one! No, it's not Janie's Got a Gun).
  • Sarcasm and impatient, bullet-point explaining aside, I didn't hate this book. In fact, I've read much worse. One thing action-oriented books really have going for them is that the plot zips right along. The pages practically turned themselves, and I was at least moderately interested in the action, even if I never felt much of a connection with the hero or heroine.

    But I don't really read romance just so it can "zip right along." I want to like the people I'm reading about, and I (usually) want to believe that the events happening are at least somewhat plausible. Despite the author's quick explanation of the heroine's pre-Rosetta Stone translating abilities, I just didn't buy it. I couldn't quite understand why the book wasn't set about forty years later, when it would make a whole lot more sense (it's set in the Georgian period).

    I found the resolution to the mystery disappointing as well. In the end, I decided I'd read a movie – but not a good movie. It wanted to be Indiana Jones, but ended up as a verbal description of something dumb starring Matthew McConaughey. (Was I the only person dumb enough to watch Fool's Gold? Probably.) At any rate, I'd give this one a pass. If reading something set in Egypt sounds fun, break out your copy of Chase's Mr. Impossible.

    Reviewed by Blythe Smith
    Grade : D+

    Sensuality: Subtle

    Review Date : May 18, 2009

    Publication Date: 2009

    Review Tags: Georgian

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    Blythe Smith

    I've been at AAR since dinosaurs roamed the Internet. I've been a Reviewer, Reviews Editor, Managing Editor, Publisher, and Blogger. Oh, and Advertising Corodinator. Right now I'm taking a step back to concentrate on kids, new husband, and new job in law...but I'll still keep my toe in the romance waters.
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