Since Carly Phillips’ The Bachelor is the first romance picked by Kelly Ripa of Regis and Kelly for her book club, I wanted this to be one of the romance reads of the year, stellar in every way. No such luck. The first ever romance chosen for a television book club (major star, major morning show) is as heavy-handed and by-the-numbers as you can get.

I’ll admit, though I wanted to like The Bachelor, it had a couple of negatives going in. The title and plot are far too reminiscent of the Chris O’Donnell film of the same name in which he’s an eligible bachelor who must get married in order to inherit a ton of money. I didn’t see the film since the promo showing hundreds of women in bridal wear chasing him was enough of a turn-off. Not only is the title the same, but the initial set-up and plotting follows the same line as well.

Roman Chandler isn’t going to inherit any money, but his mother, Raina, has had a close call with a heart problem and he rushes home from his international reporting job to be with her in small-town Yorkshire Falls. He and his two brothers are all gorgeous and unattached and Raina would like nothing better then to see them married with children. To that end she lets Roman and his brothers (Chase and Rick) think that her condition is far more serious then it is in the hopes they’ll follow through with her wishes and settle down. The brothers have no desire to marry, but since they’re the kind of men who only exist in bad romance novels they decide to make their mother happy even if it means misery for them. The loser in their coin toss will have to marry one of the hoards of desperate women who’ll be only to glad to get a Chandler man. Roman’s the loser (and I mean that in every way).

Roman isn’t going to marry just anyone. Nuh-uh, not this guy. He’ll pick that special someone who’ll be glad to have sex, make a home for the children they create and happily wave him on his way as he goes back to being an international reporter. Sure he’ll marry and have kids for his mom, but he’s not going to be tied down – no sir, not him.

Roman: “A nice long-distance marriage that doesn’t change my life much at all. I want to find someone who’s willing to stay at home and raise the kid, who’ll be happy to seeing me whenever I make it back…we had a damn good life while growing up and I want to make sure anyone I marry can provide the same thing for my kid.”

Chase: “So you go on the road and the wife stays home. You better watch your attitude. You don’t want to scare potential candidates off too early in the search.”

Rick: “There’s no chance of that happening. There wasn’t a girl in high school who didn’t lust after the kid, before he left for his life of adventure.”

Roman: “Only after you graduated. Yours were big shoes to fill.”

Rick: “But fair’s fair. I had to walk in Chase’s footsteps, and they were huge.”

What a charming bunch. This conversation took place on page 12 and made me not only less then excited by Roman, but also made me immediately aware that I’d not be looking for the next two books featuring Rick and Chase.

Since I was reading this for review I didn’t have the option of putting it down. I persevered. You’ve heard the expression it’s darkest before the dawn? Well let me tell you the dawn was a long time coming on this one. Roman’s efforts at wife-finding almost immediately lead him to the one woman who dumped him in high school. Charlotte Bronson broke it off with Roman in high school after one date. She knew his plans to travel and didn’t want to get too attached to a man like her father who abandoned his family, leaving Charlotte bitter and his wife, Annie, forever pining.

Charlotte’s beliefs are understandable, though a bit far-fetched since she had left town herself to pursue a fashion career in New York and still dreams of world travel. Can we say “contrivance,” boys and girls? Also far-fetched in this “only in a romance” small town, her newly opened lingerie store is thriving though she closes it whenever the whim strikes and one set of underwear costs upwards of a hundred dollars. Don’t even get me started on the whole panty-thief subplot.

Considering this is supposed to be a light, comedic romance Yorkshire Falls is peopled by a pretty depressing cast. Raina has a few qualms about guilting her sons into sudden marriages and families but decides it’s for their own good. Never mind the fact she’s been widowed for twenty years and could have gotten a life of her own at any time. Charlotte’s mother Annie has lived her life waiting for her husband’s periodic visits. Charlotte’s assistant Beth is engaged to a plastic surgeon who keeps trying to make her “better.” And there’s Charlotte herself, who knows she should resist Roman but who tingles and melts at his every touch.

The dawn (after the darkness) came around the time Charlotte’s father showed up. Finally, something real for these people to deal with! I marked far fewer pages as Roman and Charlotte both finally figured out why they were who they were. That’s not to say that the heavy-handed writing stopped. For every piece of dialogue or action that showed the reader the protagonists’ feelings there were still two paragraphs explaining them.

Charlotte and Roman did make me almost believe in them by book’s end – and that’s saying something. And wonder of wonders – I actually read past the final page to the excerpt for the next book featuring Rick. Though I’ll admit to that, I’d still recommend you pick up Kelly Ripa’s first book selection, If Looks Could Kill by Kate White, rather then this one. The slight romantic element in that mystery worked better then this entire romance novel.