Well, at least it’s not predictable. I went into Ms. Dennis’ book (reprinted by Sourcebooks) with neither expectations nor preconceptions, an unusual state in this era of hyper-sequels and advance online buzz. I never had any idea where the book was going – or, for that matter, where the couple would end up next. Will they go free? Will they escape the perfidious Stafford? Can they escape the shadow of their past lives?

Since I had to go through the torture of total unpredictability, I decided to give you all a little pop quiz that will test your powers of ESP. Mouse scrollers ready? Guessing caps on? Okay, here goes:

A. If Alfred Noyes, rolling around in the depths of his grave, cared even a teensy weensy bit, what might horrify him the most about this retelling of his poem “The Highwayman”?

1. That Bess and Rand are reincarnations of a medieval couple, and “investigate” their prior lives by running around like headless chickens.
2. That, unlike Noyes’ own poetic pair, Bess and Rand don’t die, despite their combined IQ of minus 485, and therefore should be too stupid to exist.
3. That the story’s based on “The Highwayman,” period.
4. All of the above.

B. Which descriptor best fits Bess, the landlord’s black-eyed daughter?

1. Gothic authoress.
2. Sex addict.
3. Multiple personality disorder.
4. All of the above.

C. If Rand the highwayman lived in the 21st century, what would he be?

1. A tree-hugger – who actually gets chopped down along with the tree.
2. The Unabomber.
3. Unemployed.
4. Any of the above, as long as they’re addicted to sex.

D. What is the book’s most bewildering aspect?

1. That the sleazy villain spends 500 pages trying to marry Gothic-authoring, capricious, split-personality Bess.
2. That the prose is variously purple, over the top, contemporary, and 18th-century.
3. That the first hundred pages bear no resemblance to the gigantic clusterfudge that follows.
4. All of the above.

And finally…

E. How long did it take this reviewer to finish The Landlord’s Black-Eyed Daughter?

1. One week.
2. Three weeks.
3. Three months.
4. It doesn’t matter. Any time is too frickin’ long.

You should have answered #4 for all of them. But if you didn’t, that’s okay. You get the idea. I’ll give Ms. Dennis credit for a beginning that sucked me right in and uniqueness; generic, this book is not. But geez, what a mess.