Rachel Reid has been a must-read author for me for some years now, and in her latest standalone romance, proves once again just how strong and versatile a writer she has become. The Shots You Take is very different in tone from last year’s Time to Shine; that was a funny, warm and joyful story about two young men in the early stage of their careers, while this book is quieter and more introspective, an angsty, character-driven second-chance romance between two former hockey players whose lives took very different trajectories and who have a lot of baggage to unpack if they’re to get their HEA at last.

When the book begins, Riley Tuck has been hit very hard by the sudden death of his father, a wonderful man and fantastic dad who was a role model to Riley and very much loved by family, friends and everyone in their small-town community. The rawness of his grief is palpable and intense, and just as he thinks life can’t get any worse he’s proved wrong when, on the day of the funeral, he sees a very familiar figure entering the church, one he’d never thought to see again. Adam Sheppard ripped his heart out and stomped on it many years earlier, and the last thing Riley needs now is for him to show up looking for… what? Riley doesn’t know and he doesn’t care.

Riley and Adam met when they were rookies for the Toronto Northmen and quickly developed a strong friendship which, on Riley’s part, turned into a huge crush. For three years, Riley pined for his straight bestie until one night when they were both a bit drunk, Adam kissed him. After this they started hooking up regularly and Riley, almost dizzy with the knowledge that Adam could actually want him in the same way Riley had wanted Adam for so long, didn’t immediately notice Adam’s skittishness after they had sex; the way Adam would get up and leave almost as soon as it was over, or that he would never sleep in Riley’s bed, even though they didn’t have roommates who might walk in on them. Adam always brushed off Riley’s attempts to talk about what they were doing and insisted they were just two guys having fun. But when, some years later, Riley couldn’t help telling Adam how he felt about him and Adam basically laughed it off, Riley finally realised that Adam was never going to give him the things he wanted. Not long after this, Adam got married and had two children, and eventually, and for his own good, Riley requested a trade, moved to Dallas and told Adam never to contact him again.

That was twelve years ago, and Riley doesn’t know what to make of Adam showing up at his dad’s funeral. His main reaction is one of anger – after everything that happened between them, there’s nothing Adam can possibly say or do that will make up for what he did and Riley doesn’t want him around. Adam can see how badly Riley is hurting and wants, desperately to do something to help, but when Adam tries to talk to him, Riley makes his feelings very clear and tells Adam, in no uncertain terms, to leave.

But Adam has changed. After his divorce a couple of years earlier – which followed hard on the heels of his finally admitting he was gay – Adam is adrift and struggling to adapt to life after retirement from the sport that has dominated his life for so many years, as a largely unnecessary father (his kids are older teens), and is facing a future that’s very different from the one he’d tried so hard to want. Life had been good for a while – he’d had an impressive hockey career, has two kids he adores and was married to a woman he’d liked a lot – but he’d always felt the Riley-shaped hole in his life and can admit now that he was – still is – in love with him, that he was selfish and insensitive and hurt Riley very badly. Adam knows he doesn’t deserve a second chance with Riley, but he wants one, more than anything – even if friendship is all Riley is prepared to offer.

The Shots You Take is a deeply emotional story that deals with some heavy subjects but which is never bogged down in misery. The anger, the grief, and the longing are sharp and hit hard, but they are tempered by the author’s trademark gentle humour, which serves to balance out the more melancholic elements of the novel. Riley and Adam’s backstory is skilfully woven into the narrative alongside the present day story of their reunion, so we get to see, in well-placed flashbacks, vignettes of their previous relationship, and we learn why Riley decided to quit his career with the NHL before he was thirty and how hard he’s worked to make a new life for himself. He still struggles with anxiety and emotional dysregulation but he’s on an even keel now and is settled and content with the quiet life he’s built for himself in his small home town.

While it’s not difficult to understand why Adam acted as he did, the way he treated Riley, his persistent denial of who he (Adam) was and what Riley meant to him, and his wilful ignorance and cheerful bulldozing of Riley’s feelings make it hard to like him or want to root for him and Riley to get back together. (And I suspect there will be readers who won’t be as forgiving as Riley is.) But Ms. Reid does such a great job of showing that Adam really is a different man, one who understands exactly what he did and is genuinely remorseful; one who is ready to move forward and live as his true self and who knows that he’ll have to work hard to earn Riley’s forgiveness – if Riley is even prepared to offer any. But I came to like him as he finds a way to be worthy of Riley; he’s so quietly caring and tender, doing little things like bringing Riley breakfast, or just being there for him when Riley needs it. I was pleased that Riley gets to be prickly and snotty and petulant with Adam and that he doesn’t shy away from telling him some brutal truths; it feels right that he should get to do that, and that Adam should finally hear them. And I liked that Riley comes to see that things haven’t exactly been a bed of roses for Adam either; even though he’s retired he hasn’t come out publicly yet, fearing the reaction of his friends and former colleagues, and is stumbling his way through life as a gay man with no idea what he’s doing and no-one to talk to about it.

All Rachel Reid’s books have underlying themes about the toxicity of hockey/sports culture, and this book is no exception, containing probably the most hard-hitting depiction of exactly what that culture has cost her characters, both physically and mentally, and touching on physical injury, addiction and mental health issues, which are, as always, approached with care and sensitivity.

There’s a terrific secondary cast of friends and family in the story; I really liked how Riley’s family embraces Adam even without knowing exactly what happened between them, perhaps realising how much Riley and Adam need each other. And Riley’s small circle of friends are a charming, warm and funny bunch who all have his back, but can also see how much he and Adam love each other and just want Riley to be happy. Adam’s kids are kinda shitty to him when we finally meet them, but eh, they’re teenagers.

This is a real emotional rollercoaster of a read, pulling readers through the depths of despair over lost love, a career lost due to depression and addiction and soul-deep grief in the troughs before pulling us up to the highs and the possibility of a second chance at love, hope for the future and redemption for past mistakes. Through all the pain and the harsh words, there’s never any doubt that Adam and Riley never stopped loving each other and are the loves of each other’s lives, and I really liked the way they slowly warm up to each other again, that they actually talk to each other and how clear it is that they’re both scared of getting it wrong this time around.

The Shots You Take is a tender, angsty and lovely story of second chances, enduring love and forgiveness and is highly recommended. It might not always an easy read, but it’s a deeply satisfying one.