Too Wicked to Wed
Grade : F

Too Wicked to Wed is one of those "innocent woman's virtue lost in a card game by male family member" books. Why, oh why are these books still being written? It's long past time to put this clichéd setup out to pasture. But apparently Holt didn't get that memo, for this book is chock-full of tried - and tired - romance novel clichés.

Helen Mansfield, 25-year-old spinster, is the innocent whose virtue is gambled away by her nasty piece of work brother Archie as a last ditch effort to regain the family estate he has lost to Luke Westmoreland. Luke has agreed to keep her for a month and forgive the debt if she proves satisfactory. As is expected, Helen goes alone to Luke's home to confront him and ask him to forgive the debt. And, just as expected, she interrupts him frolicking with several women. Of course he refuses. Of course they share several heated kisses before she skedaddles out of there. Of course they both dwell on it for days afterward. Of course I yawned.

Luke's grudge against the Mansfield family goes back to a time before Helen and Archie were even born, when their now-deceased father was a lax guardian to his mother. She was seduced by the Duke of Westmoreland and then evicted by Mansfield when she was found pregnant. After she died, Luke spent his youth on the streets of London, eventually being transported to Australia. Now he is a merchant/pirate with several ships to his name, and after recently saving a Royal Navy crew from death, is in London to be honored by the government. He has been slightly rehabilitated, but he is still a pirate at heart and finds his newfound popularity very amusing, especially the fact that his father the duke now wouldn't mind being introduced to him.

Luke arrives to take possession of the estate and kicks out the nasty, petulant Archie, but makes a deal with Helen. Luke is to be knighted by Prinny and acknowledged by his father and realizes that he needs polishing. If she will help him get settled and acquainted with the servants and tenants, she can stay in the house for a year, and then be financially compensated. Luke's grand plan is to get accepted into society and his father's world, and then financially ruin him and his ilk. That'll teach him!

However, none of this happens. There are no lessons in etiquette. There is no effort made to meet the tenants and learn how to run the estate. There is no meeting with the father until very late in the book. What there is is plenty of sex, which is the extent of the relationship between Helen and Luke. For a 25 year old, Helen is painfully naïve to the point of ridiculousness. When they have sex the first time and Luke guides her hand to his penis, we are treated to this dialogue:

"What is this thing?"
"My cock."
"Is it attached to your body?"
"Yes. We're built differently."
"What is it for?"

I'm sorry, I can't continue. I was torn between laughter and scorn for the writing. It's been a while since I read it, but I believe I went the laughter route.

I didn't like any of the characters. Besides Luke and Helen, there is a secondary romance between two of Luke's entourage, his shy, bookish secretary and his chick-in-pants sidekick. This romance started out sweet, but went downhill fast when the secretary decided that in order to keep his tough girl in love with him, he must become a "real man," which entails learning how to fight and wear the pants in the relationship and keep the woman in her place. Gag. And then there was the nasty Archie and his male lover and partner in crime, both vile specimens, but hey, they're engaging in sodomy so they have to be bad guys, right?

It was a chore to finish this book, and a chore to write this review - I finished the book more than a week ago and am just now bringing myself to write it. Too Wicked to Wed is a cliché-fest and just Too Offensive To Read.

Reviewed by Cheryl Sneed
Grade : F

Sensuality: Hot

Review Date : September 24, 2006

Publication Date: 2006

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Cheryl Sneed

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