I was so interested in this second installment in Gloria Duke’s Slaying It series, Vampires Never Say Die, because the blurb sounded like a rousing good time. I’m sad to say the blurb was the best part of the book.

Crowdsourcing decisions is not my jam, and often I skip through sections of books where the MC is so insecure they let the people around them make their choices. Carrie Adams is one of these characters.

Much like Lily Baines (When Life Gives you Vampires) just wakes up one day as a vampire, Carrie wakes up as a buff Slayer. It’s like the first time I watched From Dusk Till Dawn about two dirtbag criminals making their way across the dusty west in a stolen camper with hostages, and they stop at a bar for a drink. When the sun goes down, the burlesque dancer comes on stage and they blink and BAM! Vampires. WTF, right? That’s how the vampires and slayers in Duke’s world occur.

She’s introduced such a fun, interesting premise with Vampires Never Say Die. Built into the description are tension and paranormal hutzpah. LA’s most recent vampire has his own Slayer? That’s cool AF. Because the flipside of that is that LA’s newest Slayer has her own vampire to slay. They say the purpose picks the person, but here, Carrie’s attraction to and affinity with Nick the vampire cloud her judgment and cause her to buck against the reins placed on her by the universe. Because her purpose most definitely is to slay Nick.

The execution falls flat, however, and somewhere in the beginning Duke loses control of her creation. There are a lot of characters in this book, and they’ve all got strong, opinionated personalities that overshadow Carrie and her plight. When she encounters Jenn – another slayer – at her gym, Carrie wisely goes to coffee with her to pick her brain for advice. But Jenn is one of those overpowering personalities who pushes her own agenda on Carrie and proves time and again that Carrie’s a milquetoast heroine with no backbone.

Three prolific elements of the story drastically reduced my enjoyment of it.

First: since it’s told in first person, the reader cannot escape the insecure ramblings of this reluctant slayer who questions everything and drones on like an old Seinfeld episode. Her inner voice slows down the momentum, and the introspection is very specific and hyper-focused on minutiae. Rather than having a glass of wine, Carrie mentally argues with herself trying to figure out if she’s sipping pinot grigio or sauvignon blanc. I don’t care what kind you’re having, Carrie, just drink the fucking wine!

Second: I wanted longer narrative with a better flow. These short, staccato sentences break the flow of the story and ultimately. Reduce. My. Interest. Where was her editor? Didn’t anybody at the publisher read this manuscript out loud and think, huh, let’s streamline the sentences to make the story as interesting as the blurb? Who thought it was a good idea to let Carrie narrate the action in her mind?

I stare across the room at him, and he stares back at me. The ambiance of the room changes. The chilly atmosphere between us lifts, and the air becomes sultry. It feels almost as if we’re back on the beach, when we almost kissed.

Third: back to the crowdsourcing note above. Carrie talks about her feelings for Nick and her feelings on slaying Nick with everybody and his brother, but NOT Nick. It’s juvenile and irritating. Shit or get off the pot, girl. Love him or slay him, drop him or let Jenn slay him. But just decide… on your own.

In a story that should be about a vampire slayer learning to navigate her new normal while falling in love with the vampire she’s been tasked by the universe to slay, we instead get a neurotic pushover who is hard to root for. I wanted Vampires Never Say Die to be better than the first book in the series (which our reviewer gave a D+). Sadly, it isn’t.