When I was visiting my daughter in North Carolina, I fell in love with a book. My girls were both next door in a comic book store, so I was left to my own devices in a used bookstore, something that used to happen to me all the time but now rarely does.
At this point I am going to both digress and date myself (again), but I remember that heady days over twenty years ago when I had just discovered romance.The internet was still a baby, and few people used it to buy books. Virtually no one was reading digitally yet. I would go to the used bookstore with a big list in hand and come out with a bunch of romances. The whole genre was new and I’d hardly read anything yet, so I was like a kid in the candy store. Better yet, I always had books to trade in so I don’t remember ever having to pay for anything (an important consideration when you’re young and poor). Now, I seldom bother with used bookstores. Not only have I spent the last 15+ years having free books show up at my door every day; I also just buy anything I want digitally when I want it. You don’t need to go to a physical store anymore.
However, if you are stuck and need to kill time, there are worse places to be. For some reason I found myself in the cookbooks, even though I need a cookbook like I need a hole in the head. I have a million and I rarely, you know, cook. After laughing about a militant, insufferable vegetarian cookbook from the 1970s (The Subversive Vegetarian: Tactics, Information and Recipes for the Conversion of Meat-Eaters. Seriously, the asshole who wrote it probably got punched in the face at least once a week.) I found a section called “Rare Cookbooks”. I didn’t even really know there was such a thing. In it I found a cookbook that was much more than a cookbook: The Captain’s Lady Cookbook – Personal Journal. It was a journal, a scrapbook, and a notebook written by a sea captain’s wife in the 19th Century (it covers a period roughly between 1857-1872). The woman who published it in 1981 had found it at a garage sale in Amherst (why don’t I ever find anything like this at a garage sale, or in an attic?) and done some editing, but mostly it was just the musings of the Sea Captain’s wife.
I started thumbing through and before I knew it I was utterly engrossed. When I pulled my phone out for the third time to take a picture of a page, I knew the book was coming home with me. Not for the recipes, which are written the way people used to cook, with measurements and ingredients that we don’t have or want (I’ve lived a happy life so far without using “suet” in anything at all). I bought the book because I felt like I was getting to know the Captain’s Lady, and I liked her. I liked that she threw in poetry with her recipes. I liked her shopping list from Boston. I liked that she was clearly head over ears in love with her captain.
I also identified with her on two levels. The first is that I am completely head over ears in love also (my daughter refers to it as “cartoon-level heart eyes”). The second is that Marine Guy is currently away (but almost home!) and I related to all her sappy thoughts about missing her love and their joyous reunions. “I would choose to wait for him rather than any other man in the entire world,” said she. I feel you, 19th C. sister.
Here’s the other thing: The Captain’s Lady was a good writer. What she was doing, actually, was writing her own blog a century and a half before blogs existed. (Kind of like the way my Grandma anticipated Photoshop by constructing crude, photocopied Christmas newsletters in which her grandchildren’s heads were all decapitated from pictures and repositioned with tape inside drawings of trains and calendars. After she died, we found the headless pictures and the heads, both of which she’d saved). It’s a shame so much has been lost, thrown out, or considered unimportant because the author was female, but women have always written. Writers – both fiction and otherwise – just are. Here’s to finding a lost voice from another time, feeling sisterhood, and love.
Blythe Barnhill
About the author
I've been at AAR since dinosaurs roamed the Internet. I've been a Reviewer, Reviews Editor, Managing Editor, Publisher, and Blogger. Oh, and Advertising Corodinator. Right now I'm taking a step back to concentrate on kids, new husband, and new job in law...but I'll still keep my toe in the romance waters.
One of the things I’m doing this year is getting a Master’s Level Certificate in Writing in the Digital Age. In my reading for this week, there was an article that struck me as relevant to our discussion here. It’s by a woman named Lisa Peyton and its title is Digital Media: Four Trends for a Better Future. The link is: here.
She writes about the characteristics of a successful on-line community. Here’s what she says:
This is the rubric that guides me as I and the staff work toward our new design.
We want ideas to be debated. And we want people to feel comfortable here, to not feel as though their ideas and words will be mocked, attacked, or dismissed.
This isn’t easy to do. Empowering anger, for example, may further the goal of debating ideas but may also intimidate those who don’t want to be yelled at on-line. Creating an atmosphere of kindness and respect may require asking some to moderate their tone which they may see as censorship.
There are those who don’t want to post on our boards, they tell us, because they’re uninterested in being criticized. They self-censor and our site is lesser for it.
AAR will–finally–debut a new site in a few months. As part of that redo, we will add comments to all our content, including reviews. The staff and I are currently discussing what rules, if any, we will have for comments in the future. This discussion here has been very helpful to us, so thank you to all who have commented.
I think having a comment section for reviews would be a great new addition!
Having one’s writing and ideas criticized is, alas, one of the perils of posting publicly. There will always be someone out there who disagrees with you. But, criticizing and responding courteously can be done if there are clear guidelines in place. I look forward to the updates here.
One of the features that I most admire about All About Romance is the healthy discussion and debate permitted here. Some other Romance forums are essentially echo chambers, in which only a very narrow range of views can be expressed.
I look forward to the debut of the new site.
I don’t know how to fix it, but I’ll out myself as someone who spends less time here because I feel the tone of the boards and the comments are so much more aggressive and combative than they used to be, and when I visit AAR now I don’t know anymore whether it’s going to make me happy or angry or sad, so I don’t visit as much anymore.
I really do rely on the reviews because I feel that they’re honest and comprehensive and I’m really worried that adding comments will make them as risky to visit as the rest of the site. At the same time I’d love to discuss the individual books without having to keep up with the what have you been reading lately posts.
I get that the site as it operates now works for the community as it exists now, and I get that sometimes the site itself is a bit tone deaf and it’s fair enough to point that out. But I miss the boards and the ATBF columns as they were, and I value the reviews and the polls and the other features.
I don’t always feel safe here anymore and I don’t think it’s anyone’s fault in particular and I can’t pinpoint what’s changed but judging by the lower activity levels on the boards I’m not the only one, but even posting this I’m really wary about a backlash which saddens me.
But at the same time I don’t want to be part of a silent majority that disappears without explanation, because there’s no other site that does what AAR does and I miss it. So I guess I’ll keep visiting occasionally and hope that it’s a positive experience more often than it is a negative one.
Kat,
I think you can unsubscribe yourself from this thread. Is that what you’re asking?
Dabney
That sounds like an absolutely wonderful experience and find. Sometimes these voices from the past really speak to us and there’s nothing like browsing in a bookstore to find something you weren’t looking for! Thank-you for sharing it with us.
I recently came across a tattered copy of a Joanna Fluke book which was described on the cover as “” a murder mystery with recipes””. The murder mystery was an ok read but the recipes had me wanting to dash into the kitchen and start cooking. I showed it to my sister who is the real cook in our family and I suspect that’s one book that won’t ever be returned!
Essie Summers (NZ) and Betty Neels (UK & Holland) are two old school M&B authors who used descriptions of food and sometimes gave recipes. ( For more about Betty Neels and her books and food check out the delightful website “”The Uncrushable Jersey Dress”” where her books are reviewed and given a rating with food not stars or hearts.) I am wondering whether authors of that era used descriptions of food where current authors use descriptions of making out / sex? Perhaps one of your staff members who has been reading romance for a long time could do a blog post on food in romance novels.
Blythe, The Captain’s Lady’s Journal sounds like a great read and I see it is available in PB so I think I should buy 2 copies, one for me and one for my sister who may well try the recipes, suet or not.
Lauren,
Try Diane Mott Davidson’s mysteries for recipes. I gained weight just reading them! They all start with about a pound of butter, but they look so delicious! (The mysteries are good, too, but really, it’s the food that stands out.)
:)
I read some lovely old books years ago that were sort of novels with recipes about a woman who I think was a farmer’s wife. Chock full of cream! Alas, I have no memory at all of the author or the titles, though I think they might have been along the lines of “”Mrs. Something-Or-Others Year.”” Anyone recognize this?
This sounds so familiar and yet… nothing.
Your post suddenly made me think of Mrs. Pigglewiggle and her “”recipes.”” I loved those books. :)
Would you believe, googling on just “”Mrs. “” and “”year”” found it?! https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/7616539-mrs-appleyard-s-year?from_search=true&search_version=service
For anyone new reading comments here that became lively further up, here’s my take.
Blythe said: “” (The Subversive Vegetarian: Tactics, Information and Recipes for the Conversion of Meat-Eaters. Seriously, the asshole who wrote it probably got punched in the face at least once a week.)
Kat, paraphrasing that statement, posted: I always wish the assholes who saturate the world with the products of animal suffering would get punched in the face weekly, but that’s just me.””
Note: The key words of “”asshole,”” “”punched,”” face”” and “”a week”” being picked up from that earlier statement BUT then applied to _animal suffering_.
Dabney followed with: “”Yikes! That’s pretty violent given that just about 5% of the world is vegetarian or vegan.””
Sorry to repeat what’s above but I think the whole thing is made clearer this way with all of the statements in a row. IMO, if those key words weren’t too violent for the blog portion, I just don’t see a paraphrase use in a post as out of bounds.
If you try to “”convert”” me with “”subversive”” “”tactics””, regardless of to/from what, I will want to punch you. If you sit down and talk to me and we have a conversation, I will likely enjoy it even if we disagree. I think, though I could be wrong, that that was the point of Blythe’s comment about the “”subversive”” and “”tactical”” cookbook she mentioned. The lovely thing about the cookbook she found at the used bookstore is that it was more than a cookbook, but had no political agenda. So many cookbooks today are all about politics and not about joy. And to me, food is joy (as you’d probably know if you looked at me!)
I’m sorry, but you would punch the author of a book with the title subversive ways to get kids to eat vegetables? I’m pretty sure the author was using a provocative title for vegetarians (or more fittingly vegans) who have to deal daily with people who are prejudiced against veggie food . The title, to me anyway, seems to be enticing customers with the idea the cookbook has such delicious veggie recipes that even carnivores will like them (or, god forbid, be converted to stop eating meat).
I can’t look at a cookbook anymore as a celebration of life or joyful if it is predicated on the suffering and deaths of animals. I guess being against hurting sentient beings is political. I firmly believe my rights end where yours begin and vice versa and, to that end, animals have the right to not be hurt, killed, or used for another being’s benefit. I guess it’s a political agenda to be against racism, misogyny, bigotry, religious intolerance, homophobia, and speciesism.
Look, I get it. All of our memories are tied up with eating certain foods. It’s part of our family history. I have wonderful memories of my grandma’s cooking which involved meat but once you open your eyes to what happens to animals on factory farms you can’t ignore it. When you’ve really loved an animal it’s impossible to not to realize they are not machines, but thinking and feeling beings who experience joy, happiness, fear and pain.
My friends, my family, heck, pretty much everybody I know eats meat and buys animal products and I don’t harass them about it but I will not support them doing it. It’s not anyone’s right to hurt someone else. I think the author of the blog here assumed everyone would be okay with suggesting the big, bad vegetarian who is doesn’t thinks its okay for animals to be hurt be punched. I’m not okay with it. Good for author for writing a cookbook that doesn’t involve serving up a carcass.
Kat,
I appreciate your concern for the world.
And, I’m not sure this column is the place to make your case.
When I used to teach public speaking to college students, I told them they couldn’t give speeches on religion or abortion (this was in the 1990s) because no one’s mind was ever changed on these issues by someone else’s speech and those topics were ones that were likely to pit the class against one another rather than creating an environment where they could safely critique each other.
What do you hope to accomplish here?
What I hope to create here is a venue that builds community and creates a place where readers can connect over books. I hope to create a place that no one feels they are evil because they think something. I hope to create a place where where kindness is the norm.
I admire your conviction. I suggest that, if it’s important for you to share your criticism of the way animals are treated, you consider opening a thread on the Wild West Board.
Thanks,
Dabney
Dabney, I wasn’t aware you were the owner of this site. Please let me know how I can cancel my account.
I am the Publisher.
Do you mean your account on the Boards?
We would hate to see you go. Really.
I don’t know whether you’ve already cancelled your account, but if you’ll look at my response you’ll see I AM a vegetarian. That’s why I picked up the book in the first place. It wasn’t that the authors were vegetarians, it’s that they were jerks about it, and yes, I did have a problem with that. I didn’t say I thought they should be punched in the face, I said it was likely that people wanted to. They were pompous. That’s it.
Kat,
I think all the noise here has obscured the point of the basic venue and article. The original review in no way suggested that vegetarians were bad. As a matter of information and fact, I am primarily pescetarian, though I do occasionally eat meat if I know its sourcing. If you tried to “”convert”” me and “”subvert”” me to eating meat, I’d be offended and pissed off. Yes, if you wrote a cookbook about how to “”sneak healthy meat products into your children’s meals,”” I’d be just as infuriated as I am by the ones that tell you to “”sneak vegetables”” into their diet. I don’t approve of “”sneaking”” or “”subverting,”” no matter what the agenda.
I’m sorry your experiences as a vegetarian have been so tough on you. My husband was vegan for a number of years and then vegetarian and now pescetarian, and we have huge numbers of vegan and vegetarian friends. It’s never been a problem, but perhaps it is merely that we live in an area where there’s a wide variety of foods easily accessible.
I read this as an article about the joy of bookstores and reading and finding something in common with a woman who seems very far removed from you, as well as the joy of cooking. I am sorry that you cannot share that joy.
Dabney, please cancel my account from the boards. You have the right to run this site however you wish. I just really hate censorship. What you see as a speech I see as sharing my opinion about a topic that was brought up on your site’s blog. That is my opinion, not a slam against this place.
I think I’ve been coming here for like 12 years (I know it was before the boards changed). Over the years I’ve really enjoyed reading Laurie’s At the Back Fence column, getting some really excellent book recommendations, and talking to some very nice posters.
Thank you for a having a site for romance! :)
Kat,
There is no censorship here. No one has erased your words and no one has written that you may not speak here. I have shared with you what I hope for AAR. You may choose to speak your mind despite that.
Dabney
I never heard of that book written by the subversive vegetarian but I had an opposite experience and in the 70s too. My doctor had to put me on a meatless diet back then because of serious health issues, and I had plenty of jerks waving hamburger and such in my face, some even trying to stuff it in my mouth, with many more trying to convert me or just plain berate me. My take is this: take an issue, any issue, and there will be kind people on one side, and just as many “”assholes”” on the other side.
Now as it turns out, there are more environmentalists than not talking about the negative effects of cattle breeding, not only for air quality but for the overall food supply. It takes three times as much usable grain to produce one third that amount of meat–a waste of planet resources that all scientists know about since the planet can’t produce as much food as needed _now_ for all of the people who inhabit it. And then there are those on the Mediterranean Diet who eat fish, avoiding meat for heath or dieting issues as well. Funny.
As for used book stores, I have wonderful childhood memories of them, going with my dad before he died so young (as was I). And I still have those happy feelings when I go to one now, sometimes because I find the book I’m looking for and other times for the unexpected surprises I come across. Otherwise, I order online (used paper, of course) and I get those nice “”surprises”” in the mail, something other than too many ads. And as it turns out, used paper is environmentally friendly too.
Funny enough, I never set out on purpose to be an environmentalist back then, but in these “”climate change”” days, I’ve already been “”up two”” for a long time before I even knew it. :)
I’ll add, Eliza, that since I have been a vegetarian since high school I have also experienced irritating meat eaters too, of the same variety. “”Don’t you want this hamburger?”” (waving it in my face). Um, no! And my beloved Marine guy is not above a “”Hey baby, are you SURE you don’t want some steak?”” He knows that I really don’t, and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest to be around other people who eat differently. I do feel like vegetarianism is a lot more common than it was when I first became one and that people in general are more tolerant of eating differences. But put in context, the subversive seventies vegetarians probably had to deal with a lot more harassment than I ever did, which may well account for their militance.
I think it’s fine not to enjoy militant writing styles if that’s your personal preference or others here. That is a perfectly valid subject for debate. I don’t know how I would feel about the subversive style of the cookbook just based on your short description and so I can’t really comment on that. My question with the blog is that you called the author an “”asshole”” following by a suggestion that others probably punched him in the face once a week. Isn’t it better to argue against writing and words and ideas rather than attack a person? Your blog sets the tone for the subsequent conversation. I applaud Dabney’s mission for respect, but it needs to be encompassing to all here. My wish is that ideas would be debated but negative references to other people end.
Incredibly well said, Blackjack. No one could have said it better than you just did.
“”…the subversive seventies vegetarians probably had to deal with a lot more harassment than I ever did, which may well account for their militance.””
No, what was happening in the 70s had more to do with the war and pervasive war language everywhere, counterculture groups and general upheaval residuals from the 1960s. And, oh lordy, Nixon’s spying, stonewalling and resignation. I haven’t seen that book, as I said, but “”subversive”” was the kind of word one heard back then on a regular basis–among many others– and my take on the title sounds like the language that one heard all of the time back then, reflecting the time’s mood and atmosphere.
So whether there are more vegans or vegetarians now than then isn’t the issue. The issue is that book came from the 1970s. As you said. As for was it worse back then? No, not in my opinion. People back then were saying “”you sure you don’t want some of this delicious steak”” just as they are now, as you also pointed out. The only difference both back then and now is if someone thinks they are being “”cute”” or “”original”” vs. someone being more antagonistic.
Huzzah for the Captain’s Lady, and not cooking with suet (which is great for birds, but sounds revolting for humans), and used book stores. My youngest and I do frequent our local Half Price Books, where I have bought more out of print needlepoint books than I will ever be able to use in this lifetime, and where she finds old comics.
I always wish the assholes who saturate the world with the products of animal suffering would get punched in the face weekly, but that’s just me.
Yikes! That’s pretty violent given that just about 5% of the world is vegetarian or vegan.
One doesn’t have to be either a vegan or a vegetarian to want far more humane practices for how cattle, chickens, etc., are raised and slaughtered for food. I don’t want any living thing confined to a cage without room to move for its whole life and then be slaughtered in a brutal way that causes the animal to suffer needlessly before it dies. The vegan/vegetarian issue is a different issue or _other_ than the issue of cruelty to animals. IOW, one can be meat eater but still abhor the current methods for delivering that meat.