One of the great joys of 2020 has been the tenor, complexity, and abundance of the conversations here at AAR. We’ve had so many excellent, interesting, and, yes, feisty discussions here this year.
The 2020 post that’s generated the most comments is the [email protected]: What’s your topic deal breaker? one published in June. That garnered 183 comments and got several of our readers rather wound up about contemporary American politics. (It is 2020!) In it, like several other posts this year, the discussion veered into the accusatory and I asked those involved to stop.
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I’ve tried to have it both ways at AAR. I’d like for everyone to feel at home here and I’d like for us all to accept the views of those with whom we disagree. It’s a tough act. Several commenters have sent me furious emails–not as many as have sent me happy emails, but still–saying that by allowing some sorts of speech we are innately silencing those who feel oppressed by that speech. A few other commenters have publically quit the site, dismissing AAR as an unsafe space.
Safe spaces and free speech are difficult things to simultaneously accomplish and it’s true that I personally value the latter over the former when I must choose. I’d prefer not to choose and that wish drives the choices I make as the site’s moderator.
I’m curious how you feel about the discussion here. Is it working for you? What do you think we are doing well? What could we do better?
And if you don’t feel comfortable commenting publicly, please feel free to email me.
Thanks and happy chatting!
I really don’t have much to add to the discussion. I’ve been coming to AAR for almost 10 years now. I had taken a long break from reading romance and came to AAR looking to get reacquainted with the genre, and it was very helpful. I found a lot of books and authors back then, and began binging quite heavily on romance. The site has been great for finding new books and authors to read. I’ve slowed down on my romance reading in the last year, but still like keeping up with what’s being published in case it stirs my interest. IRL, I don’t really have anyone to talk to about books. AAR has always seemed open to civil discussions and been friendly, welcoming and respectful, so I keep returning–sometimes as a lurker just reading reviews and comments, and sometimes dipping into discussions that interest me and as my limited time permits. I appreciate the efforts that go into keeping a site like this running.
Wow! I am late to the party, but I am impressed at the thoughtful comments generated by Dabney’s excellent questions. Thank you for asking! To me, this is a great discussion. People have been thoughtful, respectful, and even educational. Would that all message boards (or governments or workplaces or families…) operate at this level.
I’ve been lurking here since the beginning of 2020, and I am grateful to have this as a refuge from all the stuff that is going on out in the world. As for me, I prefer to stay away from politics. If that were a big part of the conversation, I would not check in as often.
From my short time here, I believe there is a good balance between creating a safe space (as outlined in the “About” link above) and free speech. But perhaps I haven’t seen a situation get out of hand? I don’t have time to read everything. I think it’s important to always keep in mind the rules set forth in the “About” section when posting, and I wonder if this is something that could be highlighted from time to time to keep it in the forefront of people’s minds? Some sites tolerate a lot of nastiness, and if you have new people coming in who are used to different norms, then they will need to be educated on this site’s norms. If they are educated and not willing to be respectful, then they bear the consequences.
There are several misrepresentation in the comments about what we’re guaranteed in regards to free speech
1: Ones freedom of speech does not apply to the internet, individual laws and countries mostly govern said protocols. If you’re American, your freedom of speech guarantees you and the press from protection from the government. It doesn’t mean that people don’t have the right to call you out online.
2: “Cancel culture” is not people disliking a comment you made on the internet. “Cancel culture” is doxxing, abuse, threats, and damage to ones livelihood, and in many cases it stems from actual abuse the person has meted out to others online .
What is ‘doxxing’?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doxing
“is the Internet-based practice of researching and publicly broadcasting private or identifying information (especially personally identifying information) about an individual or organization.”
Thank you!
So many insightful and eloquently articulated comments here! There’s no way I could ever say what Lieselotte said or Chrisreader said or Carrie G said or what was said in many other great comments in a way that didn’t sound as if I was just stealing their words and then putting them together in a shabbier way – I so very much agree with them, and they’ve all put it so perfectly. Then again, perhaps I don’t have to. Perhaps what follows in all its possible awkwardness will do just fine. (I’m trying to embrace this attitude.)
I have now visited this site for a bit over a year, I think, and started to participate a little in the discussions during this autumn. I’ve been following the discussions avidly ever since I found this place, however, and just reading what people here think about a myriad of subjects and all sorts of books – I’ve always found it fascinating and greatly educational.
Group discussions have not worked for me in real life. I am simply too slow and nobody likes a person who, in their desperate attempt to keep up with others, ends up just sitting there with a blank expression on their face, looking at no one and saying nothing.(That’s unfortunately what I’m like when I concentrate intensely.) And while I’m okay with not being liked, and would never expect the whole group to proceed at my pace, having several neurodevelopmental disorders doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t like to exchange thoughts every once in a while. Nor does it make the situation any less frustrating.
So it had been over a decade since I’d last had anyone to talk literature with. Over time, this site had started to feel like a place where it wouldn’t be too scary to try again. Where it would be okay to possibly make a fool out of myself. Use my clunky English. Perhaps make mistakes and hopefully just laugh them off if they aren’t that big and only affect me, and in other cases naturally apologize, learn and strife to do better in the future. And it has. It has been more than okay in fact – it has been wonderful. I mean, I’m still rather often if not the last then one of the last commenters and it still takes me embarrassingly long time to answer other people’s comments, but because the discussions go on for several days, and because if I don’t understand or have forgot some part of someone’s comment I can go and read it again, I can indeed participate a little. To me it’s a big change and means a great deal. So I guess what I’m trying to say with this long-winded personal story is that the way you’ve organized the discussions here and the way people have treated me have made it possible for someone who is different like me – autistic with learning disabilities – to do something that’s been impossible before.
So yeah, I am very grateful for this site. For the simple fact that it exists. For the reviews and the people who write them. For the steals and deals. For the discussions. For the power search, tags, recommendations, older articles, everything – I mean, this place is such a cornucopia of all things romance novel related. It cannot be easy to run this site. It cannot be easy to moderate the discussions. Not just anyone could write the kind of reviews we see here – it takes both skill and deep understanding of the genre. I thank everyone involved for their time and hard work – I greatly appreciate it and think you’re doing an excellent job! And all the people who come here to discuss, I thank you too for sharing your thoughts – I consider it a gift and have learned much.
Lovely comment annik. If this is you being “clunky” with your words, may we all be so clunky! Speaking for myself, I love it when I see a fresh voice jump in.
I know from the number of responses AAR gets when they do a big poll that there must be exponentially more people who look here than comment so when someone “new” comes to comment it makes me happy to see that they felt welcome or inspired to comment.
Like you, this is my primary outlet and source of inspiration for romance reading so when the community gets a little larger I feel like its a gift to everyone here.
Annik, I thought your comments were very articulate and well thought-out. You may have challenges, but you seem to manage with them quite nicely!
Welcome to the site and the discussion threads, I always appreciate new voices and opinions.
Thank you Dabney for the hugs and Chrisreader and KesterGayle for your kind words!
I too had noticed that there seemed to be more people participating in the polls than commenting. Plus I knew I was there, just reading, and figured surely I couldn’t be the only one. I can think of many reasons why a person might not want or be able to join in the discussions. Maybe for some it will become possible to participate more at some point in the future as happened with me, which would be wonderful, and maybe for some it never will and that’s okay too. I think it’s important to have the option to just come to the site and read the comments even if one cannot join in, as I know that sometimes just being able to get another perspective and read other people’s thoughts on a subject you find importan